1. What are the general rules for addressing my wedding invitations?

Addressing your invitations is a great way to inform guests about the details of your big day, and the rules are relatively simple for most on your list. Spell out titles and degrees (“Doctor”), and always use “Mr. and Mrs.” for married couples—likewise, “Ms.” or “Miss” for divorced or young females under 12.

If a couple is unmarried but living together, or is married but use different last names, put their names in separate lines in alphabetical order. Unmarried couples who do not live together should receive separate invitations.

If a guest is in the military, the title of an officer ranking to or higher than Captain in the Army or Lieutenant in the Navy is placed next to his or her name with their branch of service below. For retired officers, insert “(Ret.)” after their names.

Here's the fun part! For children, it’s unnecessary to include their names on the outer envelope of the wedding invitation. Instead, you may either list them as “The Smith Family” on the outer envelope or list them on the inner envelope with their parents (“Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Peter”). The absence of a child’s name altogether implies that he or she is not invited.

Finally, inner envelopes should be addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” without their first names or addresses. Close relatives can be addressed more informally on the inner envelope such as “Aunt Sue” or “Grandmother Smith.”

If a single person is invited with an unspecified guest, add “and Guest” to the inner envelope, though it's preferable to send a separate invitation to someone’s guest if you do know who that guest will be. And it’s always proper etiquette to allow your single friend to invite a “plus one.” 

2. How do I let someone tactfully know their children aren’t invited?

This is a question I’m asked more than any other! This can be a stressful situation but there are ways to inform guests that your wedding is an adults-only affair.

First, avoid writing “no children please” or any variation of this request on your actual wedding invitation. The way you address the wedding invitation is a direct correlation to who is actually invited. When children are not included, addressing the envelope to only “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” signifies that only these two are invited. Alternately, addressing it to “The Smith Family” implies that parents and children are both welcome.

If you catch wind that someone is planning to bring their children, your next course of action would be a phone call (either from yourself or someone else as appropriate) informing them that unfortunately there will be no children’s activities at the wedding.

Won’t my guests be upset if I’ve told them no children please, but my flower girls and ring bearers are there?”

Not at all! Because these children are directly involved in the course of the nuptials, they would naturally be included at your reception and are the only exception to the “no children” rule.

3. What’s the proper order for my processional?

In a modern “Christian” procession, the order is as follows: From the back of the ceremony location, your ushers proceed down the aisle with grandparents first (groom’s, then bride’s) followed by both sets of parents (again, first the groom’s, then the bride’s). Widowed or divorced parents/grandparents are escorted alone.

If married, the husband typically follows immediately behind his wife and usher, otherwise he’ll take his seat prior to the ceremony beginning. The husband can also escort his wife without the assistance of an usher, but this detail is up to you. Your groom can also escort his mother and remain at the altar (otherwise your groom has taken his place along with officiant prior to the processional beginning).

Next is the wedding party. While are many versions, the two most popular are as follows:

First: Groomsmen enter behind the groom, walking directly to the altar. Bridesmaids enter next, walking in a line down the aisle. If there are fewer than five, they walk single file; otherwise they walk in pairs.

Alternatively, groomsmen and bridesmaids walk down the aisle in pairs. If there’s a junior bridesmaid, she'll be next (two junior bridesmaids walk together), followed by the maid or matron of honor (“maid” is a single woman, “matron” is a married woman). Behind them is the ring bearer, followed by the flower girls. You can also opt to have your child attendants walk together.

4. How do we handle an uneven bridal party?

If you have an uneven number of people in your bridal party, your personal taste—and the wedding party’s chemistry—will determine your choices. One option is to pair up your wedding party as you normally would, with your maid or matron of honor walking alone, making it that much more of an honor. You can also have the groomsmen walk in alongside the groom and have your bridesmaids walk in a line down the aisle - no need for pairings!

5. My parents are remarried. Who sits where?

Pleasing all members of a blended family while following proper etiquette can be somewhat of a tricky endeavor. Typically, the first row is reserved for parents, and the second row for grandparents. If remarried parents are on friendly terms, escort the bride’s stepmother first, where she will sit away from the aisle position in the fourth chair on the left side.

Next, have the usher escort the groom’s stepmother, with the groom’s father following her, away from the aisle position on the right-hand side, in seats four, then three. The groom’s mother follows, with usher and stepfather following behind. The mother takes the first-row seat closest to the aisle, with husband seated in chair #2 next to her.

Finally comes the bride’s mother, escorted by an usher, with the stepfather following behind. She’ll take the same first-row seat closest to the aisle, with her husband seated in chair #2 next to her. After escorting her down the aisle, the bride’s father will then seat himself in the third chair next to his wife.

If family members are unable to set aside their differences, you may consider seating mothers and stepfathers in the first two chairs of the first row, and then the fathers and stepmothers in the first two chairs of the second row. Grandparents would then either occupy the ends of the first two rows, or rows three and four, depending upon the amount of grandparents and the number of chairs per row.

6. My ceremony is on grass, but I want to wear heels. Help!

Of course you do! There are a couple of ways to overcome this hurdle. First, I have seen many brides wear a wedge heel during the grass ceremony, since it can be easy to find these in a similar height as your heels and therefore allow you to keep your dress hem the same. When the ceremony’s over, and you’re starting to take those fun shoe photos or grandly enter your reception, you can easily swap the wedge for your heel.

If you’re set on wearing your heels all night, there’s a product called “SoulMates” that resembles a plug you place at the end of your heel, widening it and preventing it from puncturing the grass as much. Just remember, it’s your party and you can wear what you want to!

7. How can I incorporate my late parent into my ceremony?

I've been honored to see some of my past weddings ideas work out for the best, and am happy to pass them along. One idea is to place a (larger sized) portrait or favorite photo of your loved one in the chair where they would've been seated.

Another way to honor departed loved ones is to cut a swatch from an old article of their clothing, maybe a heart symbolizing love, and possibly even blue to complete your “borrowed” and “blue." Then, simply sew it to the inside of your wedding dress or wrap it around your bouquet stems. Whatever you decide, keeping them close during your big day is bound to make you, and others, feel grateful for the time they were here.

8. Do we really need to feed the band?

Many of your DJs, photographers, videographers, and other professionals are there for the duration of your big day. Some will stipulate in their contract they must be fed and included in your final headcount. States such as California, which have stricter labor laws, mandate they must also be allowed to take their legal break. While you don’t need to provide alcoholic beverages, it is proper etiquette to provide them a meal. And thoughtfulness sometimes leads to better service!

Before panicking about extra cost, check with your venue; many will feed your vendors for half price or a lower fixed cost. Sometimes you can include this in your negotiations—it's a nominal discount for your venue but can save you some big bucks!

9. Who makes the toast and how does it start?

Traditionally, it’s the best man’s responsibility to propose the first toast to the bride and groom. Prior to the main meal, your master of ceremonies (often the bandleader or DJ) will introduce best man. It’s up to him whether he asks your guests to stand or not (depending on the level of formality of your event, it may or may not be appropriate). The speech can be sweet, brief, lengthy, amusing, or anecdotal, but the sentiment should always be of future happiness—no stories about “Joey” and their old games together! After the speech, the best man raises his glass and invites all guests to do the same.

Other members of the bridal party may also give a toast, provided the overall number is kept to a reasonable amount. (Remember, your engagement party and rehearsals are when your third cousin can tell that funny story and play “pass the mic”—you want to keep your reception flowing on time). To wrap up the toasts, your groom may then rise, expressing his gratitude to all and his new wife, and thus concluding the toasting portion. 

10. Is it acceptable to only serve cocktails and desserts at my reception?

Definitely! There are a few stipulations I’d suggest, but a dessert reception can be a wonderful way to save money. Number one, a dessert reception won’t be as long as a traditional reception, thereby saving you money on the entertainment, rentals, staffing, etc.

A traditional reception lasts upwards of five hours, while a dessert reception will be an average of three. The good news is you can still participate in all of the traditions, such as the first dance, cake cutting, bouquet/garter toss, and dancing—it’ll just happen in a more expedited fashion.

You can also serve punch and champagne to save additional money, since open bars are typically one of your most expensive ticket items. Although, if an open bar is in the budget, it can certainly be a nice touch!

Feel free to contact Emily Reynolds at http://countryclubreceptions.com/stockton-Wedding-location.html